Just say no.

Ne. La. Ochi. Hapana. Non. Uh-uh. Naw. When pigs fly.  I found a website with the word "no" in over  250 languages for a little inspiration. "No" in English is only two letters. How can such a short word be so difficult to utter?

Collective wisdom advises that in order to live an effective life, you have to learn to say no. I've heard this advice so many times, the phrase is rendered meaningless. What does it actually mean to learn to say no and how could it be life-changing?


 Half of that battle for me is deciding which activities and responsibilities are worth inclusion in 24 hours of my day and which are not. The other half of the battle is facing the constant demands on my time, money and energy and communicating that decision with the resolve of a running back greasing through 300 pound linemen. (Take note of my visual of Marion the Barbarian Barber, Dallas running back, here.)

Resolve is the key. Crumbling under the intensity of puppy-dog eyes and "desperate" needs that aren't truly desperate is far too easy.

 I'll just tell you--I don't often make it through the linemen in the "no" department. I usually end up meandering around the field. I stop to chat with the linemen, find out how the mascot is doing, help a cheerleader fix her hair, stop for a sip of Gatorade and find myself in line for a hot dog all before I know what happened.

I thought I should post about saying "no" after a phone conversation I had yesterday. I was planning to call in a favor of help to paint furniture. One thing led to another in the phone conversation and I hung up with no painting help and a new responsibility to cook dinner for ten people. I'm not even sure how it happened!

Before you start raising money to send me to assertiveness classes, I will acknowledge the dinner was a blessing and fit in well with our priorities for the week. And we'll do the painting later. But the way my plans can so easily sway in the throes of the thoughts and feelings of others was sobering indeed!

Why don't I say no? Am I afraid of hurting someone else's feelings? Afraid of the way it will make me look? Afraid of being or appearing selfish? Afraid I'm not being servant-hearted enough? Afraid of confrontation? Afraid of missing an opportunity that could be life-changing?

As a believer, I think I am called to have a different perspective on "yes" and "no" than the world. I don't have to be driven by a "me" culture where I am the center of the universe. I am called to lay down my life.

But the reality is that no one can say yes to everything. If I don't choose to say no to some things on the front end, I will end up saying no to them by default when I run out of time to give them my attention.

Often, those who suffer my "default nos" are those I love the most. Do I have time to be considerate and calm with my husband? Time to be patient with my child? Time to pray? Time to live life without feeling like I am always running for the bus? So yes, I want to be eager to serve, to love, to give, to volunteer and to make sacrifices. I must also pray for wisdom that I can choose carefully how I will invest the hours God has given me in the areas in which He's called me.

Here's a link I found interesting on "Seven ways to say no." I'm not necessarily endorsing this website as a whole (and even this post I'm linking could be taken as a little manipulative), but I laughed when I read it and have to say it might just come in handy next time I am trying to say no!

(This advice beats telling people you need to stay home and wash your hair or read the expiration dates on your dairy products.)

Enjoy!

~Laura Lee